Crackin’ Eggs

Image result for cracking eggs…or at least producing them. Not gonna lie, I was getting quite nervous there for a while. Under doctor’s orders I was putting that bulk order of ovulation test kits to good use starting on CD 10. Nothing. Nothing… nothing… nothing.. what the crap?? My cycles have been mostly fairly regular for the last several years for as much as I’ve paid attention to them. Which to be honest, I really wasn’t. So a couple days ago, smarty pants me finally actually opens the instructions and reads them over. I mean, to be fair, you pee on one stick (or 500), you’ve peed on them all, right? Right? This is old hat. One line, you’re not ovulating, two lines and you are. Yeah, that’s the same – so far, so good. The next part threw me – do NOT read the test for 3 minutes. Wait. THREE minutes? Not 60 seconds? Three whole minutes? Fuck. Me. I’m the girl who sees the control band appear and if the second line doesn’t show up pretty quickly afterwards – that means a negative test. I mean, the hormones are either present or not, it shouldn’t take THREE whole freaking minutes to show up.

So now, I’m in total panic mode. Did I freakin’ miss my LH surge? Did I already ovulate last week and I completely missed it? I mean, I was starting to see a faint second line appear by CD 17 but I should be past my fertile window for this cycle if I’m normal. Was that just the tail end of my window? Crap. Shit. Fuck. Ok well, see it through. Keep peeing into a cup until CD 1 if you have to, right? Same results yesterday, second faint line on the stick. Ok, maybe I didn’t miss my surge – maybe I’m working up to it now? I hope. Today, TWO PINK LINES!!  Ok dear husband of mine, the light has turned green – we are all systems go, let’s DO THIS!

Image result for positive ovulation test(Not MY picture, I didn’t even think of snapping a shot of my test)

Fingers crossed ladies and gents. The roller coaster has left the station. We’ll see where it ends up.

 

*Side note* Now that I’m actually paying attention, it does appear that my luteal phase is actually much longer than the standard 28 days. Which I kind of thought might be the case. I’ll know better now that I’m tracking everything. Thank goodness for smart phone with apps for this shit!

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Ow Ow OW OW OW!!

Image result for femvue hsg

So good news/bad news. Last week was my Femvue HSG procedure. I had honestly worked myself into quite a state after researching the procedure and having some pretty horrific flashbacks to my HSG in 2010. I slathered myself in two different essential oil blends, took a Naproxen, and even snagged a leftover Ativan for good measure. Hubby and I actually arrived a little early for an appointment for once, and when my name was called we both stood up. However, the nurse told my husband that he couldn’t come back with me. I had been informed the day before that I was allowed to have one adult in the room with me, and after my last experience I NEEDED him there with me. I told her so, and she apologized but wouldn’t let him come back. He went back to the waiting room, and I had to hold back the tears that instantly sprang up. I can pretend to be an adult sometimes and managed to get through the whole thing alone though.

The external and even internal ultrasounds were fine. I mean, invasive, but you know, fine.  However, the here’s where we found the bad news – my fibroid which was pretty small and not growing very fast in 2010, now takes up the majority of the upper wall of my uterus. So, you know, not a great scenario.  I’m still waiting to hear back from my OB/GYN with what the plan for that is going to be. Next was the actual HSG procedure. To be honest, the catheter insertion sucked, but was tolerable. Similar to my uterine biopsy in 2013. Uncomfortable, unpleasant, but quick. That was the last of the easy part, however. The cramps and pain that I had experienced during that first awful, awful HSG were back. Stars flashed in front of my eyes, and it took everything in me NOT to curl up into the fetal position on my side. I remember looking around frantically for a hand to hold or something, ANYTHING to grab on to, and settled on grabbing the tops of my thighs just to give my hands something to do. The only difference this time around is that I had two wonderful women in that room with me, the ultra sound tech and my doctor. They were repeating encouraging words at me, (I couldn’t tell you now what they were, only at that time I honestly wanted them to shut their freakin’ faces and stop the thing that was making me hurt!) and reminding me to breathe. That, and the fact that my OB/GYN is good at her job and she got the test done quickly, make it barely tolerable.

There was no talk of putting in a new catheter and starting the process all over again this time. That was the point when I tapped out the last time. I can suck it up for only so long, long enough to do this test once, not so much to it twice in a row like they wanted to in 2010 though.

Here is where the good news comes in. I do NOT have blocked fallopian tubes, they are free and clear! So yay! I suffered through yet another HSG but actually got results this time, and good ones at that!

So yeah, good news and bad news all in one appointment. Not sure what the next step is from here, but maybe we’re actually making progress this time?

On a side note, my bulk order of ovulation test kits arrived in time for me to start using them. No positive results yet, even though I *should* be showing some – but again, at least we’re getting some answers, hopefully.

…and so we begin. Again.

When ‘normal’ people decide to have a baby, I’m fairly certain that it doesn’t go like this – visit a new OB/GYN for your regular yearly appointment, discuss how you haven’t been using ANY birth control for the majority of the last nine years, get orders for a full blood panel, prescription for pre-natal vitamins, order for a sperm analysis, order for HSG, and an Amazon Prime order for ovulation test strips in bulk.  For my husband and me? Well that’s just par for the course. Honestly, my appointment today wasn’t really meant to be an infertility appointment. I had just gone a few years without insurance, and ‘forgot’ to go to the nurse practitioner that I secretly despised during that time. Plus my husband finally nagged me enough that I finally schedule my annual. To be fair, I have had seriously wicked cycles. Although after my vertical sleeve gastrectomy in 2014, they have been more regular than ever in my life. These suckers put me DOWN for a good several days with severe cramps and heavy bleeding, as in not able to function at all. So, I gave in, now that my dear husband has a grown-up career with grown-up health insurance, I figured it was time to get all up to snuff.

My new doctor was honest. The easiest way to control my symptoms is to go on birth control. However, we both knew that’s not an option for me. The second easiest way to control my symptoms? Pregnancy. She was fairly certain that just getting me knocked up would take care of everything else. Yeah, ok. Easy enough. Like we haven’t been trying for that EXACT goal for over nine years, I definitely should have thought of that. *shrug* She seems to be treating my awful cycles vs. treating my infertility BY treating my infertility. I guess that’s a new view I’ve never taken before. Maybe this IS the way to go. In any case – here we are hurtling head-first into infertility treatments again.

You may have noticed a rather loooooong absence in my blog. Yeah. I took a break. I wasn’t sure that I was ever going to NOT be on break again. Those were some seriously tough days (seconds, minutes, weeks, months, years….) for me. I was pretty spent emotionally. We spun and spun our wheels and never progressed anywhere, or so it felt. I mean we never achieved pregnancy, so I guess we never really moved forward. We never even had any procedures done that would end in pregnancy. Got to try some of those super-fun belly shots for a while. Those were a hoot. Some pills that made me super nauseous and gave me the ability to throw up while at work. That was fun too. Lots of stressful waiting on phone calls as well. And who can forget all those internal ultrasounds?! Not this girl. Those were a fricken riot! So yeah. Spinning wheels, no forward momentum was had. Maybe now things will be different.

If I don’t sound incredibly optimistic, don’t take that personally dear readers. It’s been a long nine years. I’m hopeful, but that hope is hiding under comfy blankets reading a book, or more likely, drinking Starbucks walking down Main Street USA at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom – that is my happy place, after all. So the adventures continue in the baby-making. I’m still a chubby girl losing weight (15lbs down this summer – hell yes!) but I’m much less fluffy than I used to be thanks to my weight loss surgery. Hubby has gone through quite a lot of medical stuff himself as well. I’m sure I’ll touch on that as we go along this new path. It looks a bit overgrown and weedy up ahead to be honest, but maybe there’s something miraculous at the end. Let’s see, shall we?

The Plan Thus Far..

Hey those of you who are reading this!  My life has sure changed a lot in the last couple of years – and yet has stayed oddly the same too.  I’m a stay-at-home Wife (I think that sounds so much better than Housewife – thanks to all the reality tv shows out there!), home-maker, Travel Agent (which I’m FABULOUS as BTW – so hit me up!), and general aspiring business woman.  I have both an Etsy shop and an Amazon web-store, plus some listings on eBay.  Apparently I just have to stay insanely busy!  Oh and I’ve started couponing!  I’m NOTHING like those Extreme Couponers you see on those shows (yet), but I’m working on it.  Working at home made me feel like I was giving away our money if I didn’t give this a try!  Plus as of right now I’m almost 55 lbs skinnier than I was just a few months ago!

 

Maybe someday soon I’ll have to change this blog title to Not-So-Chubby Girls…!

 

So in and amongst all of my crazy life happenings, I, of course, still desperately want to be a Mother to a real life tiny human.  While I love my four-legged, furry daughter to pieces – I’m hoping to have one with a little less hair!  With having surgery only a few short months ago, it’s not recommended that we “try” to get pregnant until at least a year post-surgery.  We’re not trying to prevent pregnancy at all – heck we haven’t tried to prevent pregnancy for the last 6 years, I’m certainly not going to do something about it now!   I’m hoping that this dramatic weight loss will help with my PCOS.  I do have this niggling voice in the back of my head screaming at me that I was diagnosed with PCOS in High School at some 100 lbs less than what I weigh even now, so the weight thing might in fact NOT help us out in that way.  Here’s to hoping though.

My husband’s thyroid seems to be steadily improving. As of his last endocrinologist appointment, they reduced his meds again – so hopefully *fingers crossed* we get his thyroid “fixed” and his count increases. (PLEASE, oh please, oh please!!)  If that’s the case, I’m going to wait the required year post-surgery and then  head back down to our RE to get a program back in place.

So in just under a year, I’m hoping to get back into injectables and ultra-sounds and waiting by the phone for results and more results and praying and crying and hopefully – hopefully a little tiny being growing inside of me.  At least I’ll feel like we have a shot.  More so than we’ve had yet, since every doctor we’ve seen has pretty much told us our only chance at having a family of our own would be through IVF.  We don’t have that kind of money. Period.

So that’s the plan.  Our road sure is a bumpy one, isn’t it?

Time Warp

Well hello. It’s been quite some time since I’ve written on here. So very short and quick update. Still no children, not pregnant either. Nadda. We started seeing a new RE back in January and while I liked him, we’ve gotten no further in our struggles. Taking another Baby Break.

In August of this year I had Vertical Gastric Sleeve surgery. I am 2 1/2 months post op and down 42lbs. I’m hoping that this weight loss might help us to start our family.

I became a Travel Agent last year and quit my job at the bank just before my surgery. I’m not quite making enough money yet to have justified that dramatic move, but I’m working my tail off trying to make it work.

So that’s where my life sort of is right now. Maybe I’ll finally start picking this blog back up. You never know, right?

Shooting Stars

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Last night my husband and I were discussing where we would be if we had pursued our dreams a little harder.  This came after my finding a video of a woman that I went through school with performing in a band for Donald Trump. I of course, had to pull out old pictures of her as a girl in school being goofy and hanging out with our old group of friends to show to my husband.  I also attended school with a man who after high school went into the army and then had a mini-series on HBO based off of him and his platoon.  Another woman I went to school with made an appearance on a show on MTV.

This got me thinking.  I honestly never had any “big” dreams.  I never wanted to be famous; I had no huge career ambitions.  My family has always been the most important thing in my life, and all I ever dreamed of was to have a family of my own.  My daydreams always had a very 1950’s feel to them, although with much more women’s liberation.   Having a husband, and house, a dog, and 2.5 kids that I stayed home to take care of while my husband worked the nine to five has always sounded like heaven to me.  However, I always did well in school and my parents expected me to attend college, so I did.  Did I really have a direction? No.  I didn’t have a clue as to what I would do after college; I was just in school like my parents wanted.  I majored in English Language and Literature since I have a passion for reading and figured that was as close as I could get to being able to read my way through college.  However by senior year I still didn’t have a clue where I was headed.  I quit school and came home my senior year at Grand Valley State University.  I still regret not getting my degree, I was only 19 credit hours away and had already completed my capstone class, however I don’t regret coming home.  I wasn’t in a good head-space at the time and needed my family around me.

During my time in college I had been given an opportunity that I passed up.  I have a relative who works in Washington D.C. for our government and he had offered for me to move out there with him and he would get me a position in his department, if I completed school and if I wanted to go.  It was a great opportunity and I really tossed that idea around for quite some time.  Had I finished my schooling I believe that I would have gone out there.  Who knows where I would be right now.

 I very much doubt that I would live in Clare, Michigan; or that I would be married to my husband, own my own house, still have all the friends I do now.  I would be hundreds of miles away my mom and rarely get to see her, I wouldn’t have met the people that I know or do the things that I’ve done.  I would be living a completely different life.  Impressive? Maybe. It wouldn’t be what I have now and I love my life; maybe not all the parts of it, but a vast majority of it, and I wouldn’t trade it if I had to give it all up.

The Rock Star Life

My husband is in a band. I guess you could say that I’m his groupie or roadie or some other cliché of the music world. I go with him to a majority of his band practices, at his request, and nearly all of his shows, ok well gigs. I feel so completely un-cool using that word. An almost-thirty year old bank teller just doesn’t really fit my idea of some rock-star wife who’s dressed cool and looks cool and acts cool. That’s just not my style anymore. I barely own any clothes that aren’t expressly meant for work in the professional world, and you don’t spend a Friday or Saturday evening, bobbing your head to some darn good rock music wearing dress pants and a sweater set. I’ve only owned one pair of jeans for the last five years and they weren’t going to make anyone’s top ten or even top one hundred list of must-have jeans of the season, but hey at least I owned a pair right. That came to an end after their last show when I discovered a large hole in a rather inconvenient spot and my one and only pair of jeans met their end.
Well that stinks. I already view myself as the rather dumpy, frumpy, chunky, very un-cool wife but I certainly cannot ever show up to one of his shows in dress slacks or long skirt, and NO sweater sets. So there I was, but hey, I had what I thought was at least a month or two to worry about it since they didn’t have anything booked in the future right at that point in time. Well I REALLY should have known oh-so-much better than that. Beginning of the week, I am informed that they are going to be playing this coming weekend in Bay City with several other bands and possibly in front of several record executives.
Definitely NO sweater sets and slacks for that show.
So that leaves me to find time to go shopping. I mean, there might actually be record producers! I need to at least look the part of the oh-so-cool guitar players wife, even if I’m really just the quiet frumpy, bumpy, bank teller inside, right?

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